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Monday, May 25, 2015

Starry mourning: An homage to Malene Arpe

Toronto Star entertainment writer Malene Arpe died suddenly last Thursday following a massive heart attack. She was 50.

She was the voice of the Sunday Star's Stargazing, where she demonstrated a slick capability for deflating the pomposity of celebrity, plus the sharp sense of the absurd that characterizes the finest Canadian humour.

In her final, unfinished column which appeared in the Star yesterday, we see Arpe at her finest: mocking Harry Styles, making fun of Alce Baldwin and scoffing at Tayler Swift.

In homage to Arpe's great talent, Jenny Villamere presents these celebrity digs in her honour. Get ready to switch gears, turn that frown upside down and enjoy some celebrity skewering that we hope Arpe would have appreciated:

Alyssa Sutherland entices suitors with a dress made of furled condoms. Subtlety is a lost art.

The Angel Of Photoshop After appears on Tracy Anderson's shoulder to explain the benefits of a slightly padded bra.

Dakota Johnson, BeyoncĂ©, and Jordin Sparks revive the underwear-as-outerwear trend. Letterman’s writing team laments the lost chance to recycle a trove of '80s Madonna jokes.

Jimmy Fallon completes a graceful pirouette in appreciation of the Rangers' figure skating prowess.

"Ah frig, did I leave my Panini press on? Dudes, I gotta go." - Rita Ora

The weak spot in every McCartney show is his attempt at jazz hands.

"Late Life With David Letterman"

Valeria Bruni, pissed that no one told her that shirts are passé.

Michelle Rodriguez channels Janet Jackson in her venerated ‘pre-hibernation chipmunk’ phase.

Patrick Dempsey mistakes spray snow for hairspray, tries to excuse error by dawning dark classes, feigning failing vision.

Willow Smith searches in vain for her lost childhood.

Marion Cotillard, Justin Kurzel and Michael Fassbender explain that their new screwball comedy, 'Macbeth,' is a laugh a minute.

Perry Farrell campaigns for a coveted celebrity cameo in 'Zoolander 2.'

"This is my new girlfriend. I call her 'Paula II.' She brings me great joy, as my face expresses." - Robin Thicke

Danielle Bradbery’s Proactiv® before photo.

Prince Harry and his stepmother share a laugh.

Ms. Arpe, you will be missed.