Congratulations! You're having a Goldfish cracker.

I can't say I'm surprised. Image by Crowbeak.Sasquatch via FlickrI don't want to tell people I'm pregnant before my first ultrasound because I don't want to tempt fate.

Even though I've taken, like, three pregnancy tests plus my doctor said I was for sure pregnant, you can never be too sure.

At the ultrasound, they could tell you that your guts are all full of amniotic fluid and pregnancy hormone but there's just a bunch of cysts and. No baby.

Your body's faking pregnancy.

Sucker.

Also: they could reveal that there is a baby in the fluid-filled fetal sac, but it's ectopic and now you are both going to explode and die.

There are all kinds of shitty scenarios that could come to light at the first ultrasound which could result in you having to turn around and revoke your pregnancy announcement and then people will think you're sterile and/or that you were just looking for attention.

And that you're an even bigger weirdo than they thought.

I'm afraid that they're going to tell me that my pregnancy is progressing quite nicely, that I'm pukey all day cause my hormones are totally kicking ass and they've helped me build one hell of a placenta, my boobs constantly feel like they've just been punched because my body's naturally preparing to nurture my offspring, and that the amniotic fluid surrounds the all-important baby.

But it is a baby goldfish.

And I look up on the monitor to see the ultrasound picture, and there it all is, my uterus, the sac, the fluids and shit, and then just a goldfish cracker.

And I say "Mmm. Looks tastee."

My husband's there, too. And the drive home is awkward.