Things that are too effeminate for my dad: Drinking from straws

Never once have I seen my dad drink through a straw. 

Milkshakes? He takes the plastic lid off the DQ cup and drinks it straight. 

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "BULLSHIT." You're thinking he would get immediate, paralyzing tooth freeze, the brain freeze equivalent which front teeth are particularly susceptible to. But not so. Tooth freeze is too effeminate for my dad. My dad had his front teeth knocked out playing hockey. He has false front teeth which are impervious to tooth freeze.

My dad has particular distain for cocktail straws - the short, thin straws that come in his rum and Coke at restaurants. He removes them immediately and tosses them on the table with digust, as if his drink had come garnished with a urinary cathadar.