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Thursday, July 9, 2015

Scott Feschuk's column on summer beer is hilarious and right on

Scott Feschuk is a Canadork renaissance man and my favourite kind of humorist: a versatile one.

Feschuk has written for This Hour Has 22 Minutes and, presumably with a straight face, worked as the chief speechwriter for then Prime Minister Paul Martin.

Weird. Are they smiling on a Greyhound bus?
That’s like Obama hiring a Daily Show writer to put words into his mouth. Delicious! Friends, hosers, countrymen, lend me your ears: This is the greatest country in the world.

Feschuk is one of two reasons I subscribe to Macleans Magazine, where he writes the weekly humour column (the other reason is the book reviews, yo).

Here is one of Feschuk's recent columns which you'll extra love because it is about beer:

You’re welcome: Scott Feschuk reviews summer beers
From Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-rita to Sleeman Lift, our selfless columnist tries the season’s ‘hot’ beers and tastes the adventure.

Summer is finally here, which is great, because it’s definitely one of my four favourite seasons for drinking beer. But which brew to choose?

In accordance with my sworn duty to serve readers—which dates back all the way to last Wednesday, when I was brainstorming ways to trick Maclean’s into picking up my booze tab—I selflessly taste-tested an armload of bottles and cans that were described by Beer Store employees as “hot right now.” Let the column of three separate hangovers begin! READ MORE >>

Monday, June 29, 2015

Seriously, if you're not wearing a brooch, why did you even bother getting dressed this morning?

I don't know if you noticed, but everyone is wearing brooches which means that if you aren't, this is like that dream where someone on a website you're reading points out that you are, in fact, naked.

You are naked without a brooch. Go buy one now, you heathen.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Today in sex news: A giant, glitter-spraying penis that sneaks up on you

Giant glitter-spraying penis stars in Norwegian sex education advert [VIDEO]
Norwegian sexual health charity hires man in giant penis costume to creep up on unsuspecting members of the public and spray them with golden confetti. Read more >>

The secret lives of phone sex workers
Phil Toledano tracked down US phone sex professionals, photographed them in their homes and asked them to talk through the realities of the job. From the 60-year-old with an anthropology degree to the man who plays cards while he works, the results were unexpected. Read more >>

The Little Death awkwardly entwines five comedy sketches about sex
Five strong sketch-comedy ideas make up Australian actor Josh Lawson’s directorial debut, The Little Death, but that doesn’t mean they add up to a strong movie. Read more >>

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

What to wear on Canada Day so you don't look sloppy while getting drunk

There's no wrong way to do Canada Day.

Seriously, you do you, you big Canadian weirdos.

But here is some inspiration for a real beauty of a Canada Day:
Follow Jenny Villamere's board Canada Day on Pinterest.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Your real horoscope: June 23-29

ARIES (March 21 - April 20):
Uh oh. You think you may have made a huge mistake. Fret not. All will be well.

TAURUS (April 21 - May 21):
It’s time to break free. Sure, they’ll just keep pulling you. Back. In. But this is good practice.

GEMINI (May 22 - June 21):
Take it down a notch, big shot. The planets, and your ruler Mercury in particular, warn that you’ll be fucked if you shoot your wad in a big, stupid way.

CANCER (June 22 - July 23):
Hide under your bed for a while. Keep yourself a secret from the world. Also: deodorant. Wear it.

LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23):
The whole world isn’t against you, just one person is. But that person is really fucking up your jive so you’re going to have to do the worst thing in the world ever: talk to them about it. Ugh.

VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):
You got bank! Celebrate by not blowing it. Be a cheap-ass punk for a while.

LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):
Yeah, those jerks who keep telling you you’re going to arse everything up? They’re totes wrong, dude. You’re good.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):
Why so paranoid? Get over yourself: you’re not worth surveilling. Plus all these worries are practically jinxing yourself. Crack a bottle of 50 and just chill for a while, weirdo.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21): Well aren’t you fucking special? Look at everyone making a fuss over you. Don’t let it go to your head. You’re not that great. (Just kidding — you’re awesome.)

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): "Look on the bright side," they told you. So you did. And now you’ve gone overboard. Reel it back in. Shit’s not a rosy as you think.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19): Because mind planet Mercury squares up to Neptune, planet of illusion, it’s time to overanalyze all your actions. Don’t take chances, Aqua. Don’t let CĂ©line lead you astray.

PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20): Don’t be a weak-arsed wanker in your negotiations and compromises. Stay strong, Pisces.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Here is the 2015 Polaris Music Prize Long List

The list ranges from the familiar (Drake, Joel Plaskett) to the familiar yet unexpected (Buffy Sainte Marie) to the peripherally exciting (Louis-Jean Cormier, Aboriginal Folk, Rock and Country, 1966-1985)

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

BIRDIE is the book Canadian women have been waiting for

What, you haven't read BIRDIE yet? 

Wait — you haven't even heard about it? Let's get you up to speed. Here's the publisher's blurb about Tracey Lindberg's debut novel:

Friday, May 29, 2015

Fast Romantic's 'Julia' is your new fave video [VIDEO]

Do you like joy? They'll you'll like this lyric video by Calgary-cum-Toronto band Fast Romantics, 'Julia.'

Fred Astaire makes you want to dance, right?

It's Friday. Go ahead.


Monday, May 25, 2015

Starry mourning: An homage to Malene Arpe

Toronto Star entertainment writer Malene Arpe died suddenly last Thursday following a massive heart attack. She was 50.

She was the voice of the Sunday Star's Stargazing, where she demonstrated a slick capability for deflating the pomposity of celebrity, plus the sharp sense of the absurd that characterizes the finest Canadian humour.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Here's the Globe & Mail article about how ugly my face is

Big article in the Globe & Mail today about how people are always telling me I'm ugly. You can read it online here.


Thursday, May 21, 2015

Consent: It's as simple as tea! [VIDEO]

Awesome blogger Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess wrote a post to demystify the very, very, very confusing concept of consent.

Her content inspired this video, which explains consent in terms of serving tea. FINALLY! Consent simplified. For simpletons.

Share this if you think it's sad to pour tea on sleeping people.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Here's your new favourite song: Donovan Woods' Put On Cologne

Donovan Woods is from Sarnia, Ontario. Here he is on iTunes.

And he's on the Villamere Rdio playlist here, eh?

The guy behind 'Fuck her right in the pussy' is a total Ralph Wiggum

I was really looking forward to dismantling the douche behind the original 'Fuck her right in the pussy' video hoax, but it turns out he's slow and dumb like Ralph Wiggum and you end up kind of feeling sorry for him rather than revelling in the satisfaction of taking him down.

Observe his bio:

John Cain loves to make people laugh.

Monday, May 11, 2015

How drunk was Elizabeth May? [VIDEO]

I think she was very drunk.

Federal Green Party leader Elizabeth May fucked up huge with her tone deaf speech at the annual Ottawa Press Gallery Dinner this weekend:

That's Conservative MP and Transport Minister Lisa Raitt, a member of the "whole fucking cabinet," practically dragging Green off stage at the end.

Your real horoscope: May 11-17

ARIES (March 21 - April 20): 
Surprise the shit out of your bae this week. Not literally. Hopefully. In a romantic way.

TAURUS (April 21 - May 21):
Stop fucking around reading the internet. You’ve got to get shit done.

GEMINI (May 22 - June 21):
That free lunch is expensive. But also delicious? Question mark?